it's time to be homesick again. what if i set aside one hour each day to be homesick? cry my little cry and then go back to reality? wish i could compartmentalize things so easily.
pujo ashchhe...kintu pujo-r gondho nei. notun jama-r moja nei. shob theke boro kotha...keu kotthao nei. honestly, i don't want to be so sad all the time. i could do with some fun and laughter you know. im not this alien from mars who loves being depressed. there's nothing happy about being depressed...i dont even like chocolates when im low.
so why cry? why plan for the day that i can leave? isn't this what everyone longs for? the US of A, a paying job, doing the things that i like...what is it? where did i go wrong? if someone asked me for my dreams right now, they'd be right there where i'm not. with mom. and poli. and dad with us. and...and..and...i could go on...but what's the point?
i was thinking today about how i could chuck my phd plans, take a degree in publishing and go home. you know something? the more i think about it, the more i feel like doing it. i know, probably chucking the phd is not something i will be able to do. but then going back is something that i have to do. compulsion. i don't want to explain myself to anyone. don't think anyone will really understand. so i'll keep them "online"...in the hope that someday, some kindred soul will tell me that this is how it really is...this is how it feels.