an attempt, part 1

there must be a way to end my madness. put an end to it. end it. caput. finit. callitwhatyouwill. now, if you have a modicum of intelligence, you will ask me, define "madness." i understand your lack, hence i shall expect nothing from you, but will rather place the question myself. the madness, dearly beloved friend of mine, cannot be defined. at least not to you. and in reality, even to myself. because, you see, you poor besotted fool, to embark on any such adventure, i must first establish what i mean by myself, since i speak of "my" madness. as you are well aware (of course you are not, but i shall do you credit by assuming you possess such obscure knowledge), the bid to define the self has been the defining quest for western philosophy. so while for "me, poor man, my libary was dukedom enough," the journey is an attractive one, i cannot presume to even begin to have the answer.

this is not leading us anywhere, is it? in fact, i will be the first to admit that the question itself has by now been lost in this definitional banter. hence let me begin anew. or rather, let me rephrase. how do i establish the self that is at the present continuous moment experiencing a phenomenon commonly known as madness? (yes, i understand there are obvious problems with the statement/question itself, but such is the nature of language. to survive outside it is not possible, and so we make do with what we have.)

the self, then. who am i? now you are thinking, "what?! after all this rather derridean phrasing, this is what she wants to uncover? ah my pauvre deluded ami, the this that you so casually dismiss is the crux of the matter. and i will be damned if you can even begin to confront it.

let's try. i know, i know. asking to much of you, but just try not to fal asleep. okay? simple enough? here is what i shall do: given the obvious lack of knowledge on my part, i shall make a very feeble attempt to outline the theories of a few major philosophers. now by no means is this an exhaustive understanding. in fact i shall choose only certain very restricted points of view and present the case from there.